Love Me While You Have Me

I’ve always wondered what my eulogy would be like.

Morbid? I suppose, but still, I wonder what would be said of me.

She was funny?
She was smart?
She was a phenomenal friend?
I didn’t know her but I admired her?

I also wonder if I’d actually be aware of what would be said or written about me because then I’d be a spirit, right? And I don’t know if the spirits of the dead have any knowledge of the things that go on in the lives of the ones they leave behind (enlighten me if you have any idea, please). That’s why when I read certain eulogies, beautifully written pieces extolling a loved one who passes away, I wonder if the deceased knew how the bereaved felt about them while they still lived. I wonder if the deceased knew how loved they were, how important they were to the bereaved because the thing is: what’s the point in you telling me how you cared about me when I’m no longer alive to hear you say it? And then you’re filled with guilt and regret over things that should have been done and said but never were, as life, and all the hassle it sometimes brings, made you forget none of us will live forever. Continue reading “Love Me While You Have Me”

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Prose || What Pastor Kayode Said

I can’t do this anymore, I think to myself as I lean against the bathroom sink. This time I actually vomited. That has never happened before. I turn on the tap to rinse my mouth with water as I hate the taste of the mouthwash.

Spearmint.

After I’m done, I look in the mirror. My nose is running and my puffy eyes are watering—effects of the nausea. I want to speak to someone but I don’t think I would know what to say if I ever have the chance. How would it sound after the words escaped my lips?

One night, I threw up after my husband made love to me. Every time we make love I always come close to vomiting, but on that day I actually did.

Seems incredible doesn’t it? Who would be able to explain such an occurrence to me? I’ve thought so many times about leaving him. I feel terrible just thinking it and I can already hear the surprised voices of my friends and family if I do decide to follow through.

“But Jake dotes on you,” they would say. “He treats you like an egg!” Continue reading “Prose || What Pastor Kayode Said”

On ‘On Becoming’

So last Thursday I read the book of the moment – Toke Makinwa’s On Becoming. If you’ve not heard of this book, dude, you’re sleeping on a moving train mehn! I went through so many feels reading this, I tell you – from disbelief to sadness to the dramatic ‘Heyyyy God oooooh! Come and see something!’ For me the book is actually a must-read, and no, not just because enough tea was spilled in it. Continue reading “On ‘On Becoming’”