Mummy, I want to be rich when I grow up.
OK, but not too rich sha, so that you will find husband quick. You don’t want to be like Aunty Peace who was chasing money and now, at 43, she’s still not married.
I like that car. I want to buy it.
Ahn aahhn! You’re not married yet nah. You want to chase men away with that machine?
I just bought land. I want to build a block of flats on it.
Hmm…OK. But make sure the guy you marry doesn’t know though. So he doesn’t feel intimidated and threatened.
I’ve just been promoted! I’m the youngest partner the company has ever had!
Mmm…well done. But sha do and go and marry.
Taaaah! What’s good about the morning, when you’re yet to give me grandchildren!
I’ve just had a baby.
Hmm, I heard. Was it not via C.S? You’re not worthy to be called a mother! People like you and people who adopt are not real mothers. Us mothers who pushed out our children are the real M.V.Ps.
. . .
I woke up this morning to messages of ‘Happy Women’s Day’ on my phone. I checked my Instagram timeline and I kid you not—picture after picture after picture had captions of ‘Happy International Women’s Day!’ I’ve seen a lot of posts dedicated to women today and I truly feel empowered. There’s no better time as now to be a woman. We are now in the era of female presidents, female mechanics, female architects, female engineers, female carpenters, female movie directors and producers, female pilots, bus and cab drivers and even female bikers. Sadly, a few people, male and female, have felt the need to limit us women to only two things—wife and mother. Why is it that no matter how great and groundbreaking my achievements are, I won’t be fully celebrated until I’m a Mrs or until I’ve pushed out a child?
I am more than somebody’s wife.
I am more than being the mother of my child, whether I had the baby naturally, through a Caesarian Section, surrogacy or adoption.
Most importantly, I am more than my choice to marry or not marry and to have or not have children.
Woman, there’s so much more that you can aspire to be today, than mother and wife. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-men or children. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife and mother. I’m just not an advocate of three things:
1. I’m not an advocate of putting your life on hold until you become someone’s wife or mother. Young lady, why are you wasting some of your best years waiting for something that may or may not happen at the time you expect? Why aren’t you trying to discover yourself—your strengths, your weaknesses, your gifts, your purpose? Why aren’t you learning to be more organised? Why aren’t you learning new skills? Why aren’t you learning how to become a better friend? After all, that’s the best foundation of the greatest marriages, isn’t it? Get a job, learn to cook, live! Grow. Up. Make sure you’re mentally fit before you embark on such a great journey. Have your own ambitions. Dream big and work hard to achieve and exceed your goals. Gone should be the days when you refuse to strive for greatness because you don’t want to ‘scare away a potential husband’. My advice on this is to strike a balance. Just keep living your life, continue to aspire to be the very best version of yourself but be open to settling down. Personally, I don’t feel it’s wise to use ‘I’m focusing on my career’ to chase away a good man who genuinely loves you and is ready to be with you. I sincerely believe with the right guy and his support, you can do both, i.e. hold things down at home and slay in your career field.
2. I’m not an advocate of people saying that I’m not enough or incomplete until I’m a wife and mother. I’ve heard it so many times, ‘A woman isn’t complete without a home. She needs a man and children to be whole.’ It’s statements like those that make women marry obvious losers or die in bad marriages. Gone should be the days when, as a woman, your validation, celebration and acceptance of yourself comes from your marital status or your parental state. I said ‘gone should be the days’ because, unfortunately, it’s not fully the case.
3. I’m not an advocate of people limiting my life roles to only wife and mother. I was having a phone conversation with a friend. We spoke of so many things and this topic was one of them. I remember saying something along the lines of ‘So after everything God has created me to be, some people have decided to put me in a box, telling me I cannot be more than a wife and mother?’ You can be so much more. You are so much more. If you do decide to stick to only those two roles, that’s OK. But let it be because you made the choice and not because one or two people messed up your thinking and defined those roles for you, saying you can’t be anything more.
There are numerous opportunities available for us women today. No more excuses, ladies! Make the most of the times we are in. You can be everything you want to be. Your only limitation…is you. Shout out to the women who have broken and continue to break boundaries and to those who have shown us that we can be more:
Photographer Like No Other
I have a friend who is a Project Manager and she calls herself The Project Whisperer (laaaaahhvv eet!!)
…and then some.
I celebrate you all.
Happy International Women’s Day!